It’s funny how often I realize that I am wearing a mask, disguising deeper motivations and thoughts from those around me.  I don’t mean to, in fact, it has been one of my “goals” this year to be more transparent in all of my relationships. 

It seems to be the little things about myself that I try to cover up, the habits, quirks and whims that I think might be confusing, or disagreeable to others.  I guess it is the little things, imperfections and inconsistencies that bother me most for others; measuring myself against those invisible standards of perfection “normal” or “popular.”  As much as I “claim” freedom from the “standards of this world,” I hang on to them pretty tightly in my private ways. 

I’m looking at this facade I’ve been holding in front of me, like a tissue in a rainstorm, and I’m ashamed; ashamed that I don’t treat myself better, like God does.  Why can’t I see the way He loves me?  The way He accepts me?  The way He smiles at me through allof my moods and quirks?  He designed me this way, every oddity and humor, to be just Me.  If He created me, all those things that I don’t like about me are in me for a reason, either to be worked out of me, or to keep me humble.  Regardless of why they are there, I’ve got to stop covering up who I am.  I’m afraid that if I keep hiding it from everyone, I’m rejecting the lessons God wants to teach me, rejecting His understanding of the beauty of my life.  That sounds vain, but that is the way God sees me (I’m learning.) 

“Unique” really does mean “different” no matter how much I try not to look like it, that’s what I am.  Just  Me.