Small World After All?

I just finished watching 2 movies, Friday night, what can I say.  Both were stories about “grace”: Amazing Graceabout William Wilberforce, the British lobbyist who essentially gave his life for the abolition of slave-trade in the Commonwealth, and Maria Full of Graceabout Maria Alvaréz, a 17 year old Colombian who sold herself into one of the forms of modern slavery, drug trafficking. 

I was so amazed by the first movie, reminded of the horrible things that the human race has done in order to “get ahead”  all in the name of patriotism, building its individual kingdoms.  Listening to the fiery words and the passion with which W. Wilberforce pursued his convictions to abolish slave-trade was so moving, so inspiring that it made me wish I was alive then to take part in such a cause.  Things are so different now, especially in America, it seems that we don’t have such enormous things to champion.  Or do we?

Maria Alvaréz was only 17 years old, working full-time in a factory in Colombia to try to bring money in to her struggling family – struggling by the standards of “beyond poor” in the U.S.  She became a drug mule to bring in extra money, ended up stranded, ill, saw her friend gutted (pardon the French) for the drugs she was carrying after the drugs themselves killed her, and pregnant.  The story was based on thousands upon thousands of accounts of girls, boys, men, women and children in that country alone. 

This is the glorious and hallowed “21st century” where all are moving toward a bigger, better, brighter tomorrow…?!!  It is?  Really?  I’m sorry, I just can’t sit here on my big, white, American posterior and say how proud I am to live here, or grateful for technology, or gripe about presidential choice or lack thereof when there are still such things going on SO CLOSE TO ME!!??  I can’t even begin to describe the emotions and thoughts that are welling up in me right now. 

I am NOT anti- anything American; I love this country and the blessings we have in it.  But every American is a citizen of this world, and issues like this are not ended when the 7th grade teacher hands out the last quiz paper on them.  I know I’m sounding a little radical on this, but that’s the way I feel about it right now. 

It seems that there are causes, enormous causes, that need a voice, that need persistence action, long after W.W. had his foot in it.  If that’s what the makers of this movie wanted to do, they did; stirred up thought, exposed need and abuse, disturbed and dismayed.  More power to them!  Maybe they and the people they “stir up” are thinking and acting crazy, irrationally moved.  I pray that whoever sees this portrayal and any other situation will be moved beyond the rational, moved to action to somehow begin to affect change in our  world.  Maybe a little more crazy is what is needed??…!!

I recommend both films, especially the second

it is powerful and provoking beyond description.  Watch it, think and share with others, please?

Thoughts?

oppinion

I have a friend whohappens to have Cerebral Palsy, C.P. Her name is Joy.  We spend at least 2 afternoons a week together, usually sometime during the work-week and Sundays at church.  Joy is a petite woman who makes her way through life with deliberation and a fiery independence.  Her sometimes rebellious body is supported at all times either by her hot pink walker, her manual or motorized wheelchairs or her arm-brace crutches.  Joy lives on her own, is enrolled in U.T.C.’s graduate program for computer technology, takes Karatélessons, works with several ministries in different area churches, and councils via her undergrad degree in pastoral ministry, and speaks at any opportunity across the region on topics from handycap etiquette to spiritual warfare. 

I am struck by 2 things when I am with Joy.  The first is the absolute drive that stems from her spiritual depth, her relationship with and complete trust in Christ. She is confident that with rest and careful perseverance, she CAN do anything through the power of Jesus in her life.  The second thing is theinsatiable appetite for a life saturated in Christ, doing His work, loving the way He wants her to, giving and sharing whatever He wants her to at the first opportunity.  She truly lives her life to the full, freely giving her very life into His hands every day.  

She never questions her condition, in fact becoming almost offended when well-meaning church members try to approach her to pray for her healing.  “This is the way I am” she tells me in exasperation after visiting churches on speaking engagements.  “They think I need to be healed, when I am whole, and I have work to do.”

Watching her walk through life, I am reminded vividly of the way our walk with Christ is supposed to look.  Each step considered, inspected for the correct direction in the steps He has ordered for us.  The weight of each movement supported wholly by the incorruptible frame of salvation and the word of God.  We must concentrate on our walk, the alignment of our whole body, mind, heart, spirit and flesh, to keep in balance to take the next step toward who we are becoming. 

While leaving a restaurant today after church, several people smiled sweetly at us, holding the doors and murmuring gentle greetings.  I could see the thoughts behind their eyes as they looked at me with sympathetically sweet expressions: “what a good person you are, helping her like that,” as though my driving a friend to eat was an act of heroism.  Joy and I just laughed together inside the car.  I am just grateful to have such a precious and amazing friend in my life.  I just hope to soak up all that I can.

satisfying or advertising?

(You might see this post twice, but I decided it needed to be on the front page too)

Ok, so if Christians are supposed to be content, and full in Christ, finding our All in All in Him, completely satisfied and at peace, and all the other stuff that we throw at situations, what is up with all the “Christian Singles” networks?  I’m serious, and am interested in this and opinions. 

www.christianmingle.com, www.eharmony.com, familylife/romance,  on and on!!

Christians are to be focused on Christ, His work, His plan in our lives.  We sing countless songs about how He is enough, He satisfies us, no one can love us like He does.  And yet, websites that are supposed to be “Christian” communication sites are plastered with singles’ adds, blind-date fun opportunities and compatibility tests. 

Is it just me, or are we missing something???

take a moment

I just wanted to share these songs with you, their amazing anointing and message of God’s love. Listen to them twice, and close your eyes the second (or 4th or 6th time) and soak up the word of God.

   How He Loves Us – Kim Walker / Jesus Culture  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

   christ for the nations – my beloved  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZ0AdeQJ3Rc

It’s funny how often I realize that I am wearing a mask, disguising deeper motivations and thoughts from those around me.  I don’t mean to, in fact, it has been one of my “goals” this year to be more transparent in all of my relationships. 

It seems to be the little things about myself that I try to cover up, the habits, quirks and whims that I think might be confusing, or disagreeable to others.  I guess it is the little things, imperfections and inconsistencies that bother me most for others; measuring myself against those invisible standards of perfection “normal” or “popular.”  As much as I “claim” freedom from the “standards of this world,” I hang on to them pretty tightly in my private ways. 

I’m looking at this facade I’ve been holding in front of me, like a tissue in a rainstorm, and I’m ashamed; ashamed that I don’t treat myself better, like God does.  Why can’t I see the way He loves me?  The way He accepts me?  The way He smiles at me through allof my moods and quirks?  He designed me this way, every oddity and humor, to be just Me.  If He created me, all those things that I don’t like about me are in me for a reason, either to be worked out of me, or to keep me humble.  Regardless of why they are there, I’ve got to stop covering up who I am.  I’m afraid that if I keep hiding it from everyone, I’m rejecting the lessons God wants to teach me, rejecting His understanding of the beauty of my life.  That sounds vain, but that is the way God sees me (I’m learning.) 

“Unique” really does mean “different” no matter how much I try not to look like it, that’s what I am.  Just  Me.

Faithful

Ok, so I’ve forgotten how to be a Christian.  Gasp!  No, really, I did.  I’ve been caught up in a lot of stuff these past few weeks.  They were all “really important” too.  I had to go to the grocery store, had to take my friend to Karate lessons, had to co-write and teach a Bible lesson for 75+ middle school girls in county schools, had to buy another friend a coffee just because she couldn’t, I have to get together a fundraiser for another girl who needs help financially, I have to meet with all my family at least 4 hours each when I go home for break.  On and on and on…!!  But is all this necessary?  I’m not writing all this to blow my own horn (or am I??!) but to make a point:

I’ve been so busy, I forgot about God!  A couple of days ago, I realised I couldn’t remember the last time I had talked to God about my thought-life, about my grocery bill, about how grateful I was for another day; I had just been packing those days full of, lets be honest, crap! (Christians can say crap sometimes too!)  I’ve been “enjoying the fruits of God’s blessings” in my life, but I’ve made God sit in a separate buggy on this carnival ride!  How dumb is that!

So I skipped church.  Over the past weekends, I realized I’ve been carting people, catering, and focusing on “spiritual fellowship” with others more than the one Person, the only Reason we gather together!  Don’t get me wrong, we are called to come together, worship our King together and build each other up with prayer and thanksgiving.  But my wheels have been spinning in youthful relationships and prayer groups and share-time circles and accountability hours.

I had to get alone, quiet, still before my Creator.  He, the God of the Angel Armies, is completely infatuated with me, and I’ve been walking away, swinging the pearls of “righteousness” His blood bought!  I had to soak in wonder at His feet, drink in His words of wisdom, compassion and mercy. 

1st Corinthians 13:4-7 confronted me with God’s character: Love.  The way He sees me, the way He feels toward me, and every one of His children.  He sees everything I do, and yet He doesn’t keep track, doesn’t hold on to them to use against me later, when I’m asking for forgivness. 

He will never reject or abandon me.  He sings when I do choose right ways, and cries when I hurt Him with my foolish wrongs. He just lets it all go, and opens His arms to me in pure love. 

He has confidence in me!  He has confidence that I can do the things He asks me to.  What a feeling!  God has faith in me!  Puny little me.  What a reason to praise Him continually, to ask His advice, to keep up a running dialogue of all the things in my life; He placed them there to begin with, created them inside of me for a purpose! 

He’s just so big!  How else could I continue to grow in relationship with Him if I didn’t take time to just sit, and think about how incredible it is that this mighty, awesome, omnitient God finds me facinating, and irresitable!  I just couldn’t hear all of that in the middle of my “schedule” and good deeds.  I had to be quiet and worship by being still, by not doing, not serving for a moment.

where have all the people gone?

I am trying to find people, real people.  But I’m having trouble coming up with any. 

All I see are personas, preferred impressions of individuals who are pre-approved for public use.  What makes us show off these card-board pearly-whites in sports, in academics, in professional positions, and conceal our tarnished and dented gold? 

We jog in the dark, circling desperately, chasing a transient ideal that isn’t even related to who we are!  Why in the dark?  This is just sticking with me, are we so ashamed of the life we are that we can’t or don’t want to find out who we really are?  We would rather just keep circling, circling ourselves, trying to outrun and shed our life as we see it? 

Do we even see that who we are is not something to be worked out or built up?  Who we are is a treasure that only we can hold, our exact place in life is completely unique. 

God designed eternity around you!  All of history wrapped around your very existence, every moment crafted to bring you to the purposes, relationships, and experiences that weave your life together, beginning to end!  He loves us, loves YOU that much!

I bet God wishes His boys and girls would stop hiding from the truth of all they are!  Just open up to Him, run up the blinds in your den, turn off the ball game and i-pod, walk away from the diet books, cancel your daily trip to the gym. 

Get to know who God created.  They are some pretty cool people out here, ready to change the world; get acquainted!

the american dream…

God, in stillness waits, watching our effort to push Him farther, grasping, gripping, sliding in doubt and chaos of our own design.  He aches for us, beautiful arms tortuously stretched wide in embrace unmet, unnoticed, ever ready, rejected.

We, stumble in our power suits and heels, strengthened by our bent and crooked reflection, driven by our cold and leaky bank accounts, esteemed by our knowledge of the shallow and perishable. 

Stillness, in rush & hurried mess, we try to catch the card mansion as it falls; doesn’t He care?!  Why so silent when we’re crumbling?! Why not snap and poof, we’re back on top, pushing, scrambling, screaming, lying, hurting, running, anxious hiding who, what, we are not?

Dusty with rubble, we sit, knees in our hands, dazed from crying, still at last.

Hello, He is there.  Too ashamed to say sorry or help, we sink into the dust.

Want out?  I know the way.

     my legs are broken.

I’ll carry you.

     i’m dirty.

Only if you stay down there.

     i don’t have words.

It’s ok, I have so much to tell you, just listen.

He whispers as He carries us through the mess and dust and grime.  His words soft, deep, rhythmic comfort as His heartbeat we hear, strong now through the silence, wrapped in His arms at rest, on the way home.

middle ground

Sometimes, I think I know how bolongna feels.  All smeared with sticky goodness of mustard or ketzup, or sprinkled with spicy pepper, all to bring out its flavor.  But when it’s squished between 2 slices of bread, both very tasty and healthy for someone, the atmosphere becomes stifling. 

Is one slice better than the other?  One the top, the other bottom? Or is it reversed?  How does the bologna stay in the middle and provide the rich goodness of its flavor to both sides?  How does it bring unity to the whole of the sandwich without separating its components?

Ideas?  Identification?

Weddings, school, and other things God likes to show off in my life

Wow!  So, it’s been waaaaay too long since I’ve written; bad blogger, bad!

I can’t really help it, or so my procrastinating side tries to tell me!  I’ve been on the far-side of hither and the underside of yon trying to help my friend of a dozen years put together the wedding of her dreams and get my summer school schedule together and paid for.

An amazing thing God did for me: He paid for half of my summer tuition!!  Isn’t it funny how we tend to plan our lives down to the minute, work and strain to the inth degree, throw in a prayer to “cover the bases” and then wonder why we end up imploding with our plans in tatters around our ears!  I planned to stay home, plan my friend’s wedding, find a summer job, work at church with VBS, and basically chill.  Then my grades came back; I needed to take summer classes to bump my GPA up to keep some scholarships.  All of a sudden, my overwhelming thought was: where in the world am I going to come up with 3Gs to pay for this? Where am I going to live? How am I going to eat? To top it all off, the bride was flipped out about their budget, the caterer was having problems communicating with her, the baker couldn’t get the cake to stay upright in the southern heat, the best man quit, and I was going through some emotional instability from a situation with another friend at home.  God!  What are You doing??

I was sitting at my kitchen table, the 2nd week of May. All of my bills spread out in front of me, my wedding notes and plans behind me on another counter, and my journal, Bible, and box of tissues on the floor.  I had run the numbers and they did not add up.  There was nothing I could do in the short amount of time before school started to scrape up a budget for living on my own for 2 1/2 months. 

I had to let go.  There was nothing left to do. I breathed a prayer of surrender to God, “if You want me to go to school, You will make a way; if You want me to stay, You will make a way.  Please, take over my plans, put me where You want me.”  And I dialed the university business office one more time to find out what I could do to pay for my summer classes. 

  Business office, how can I help you?

Yes Ma’am, I need to find out my down payment amount for June. – long pause.

  Before or after the scholarship?

Scholarship?

  Yes, that’s the state scholarship award that was just extended to summer, you qualified for half tuition.

(my mouth is open in a silent screech) Yes ma’am, when do you need the remaining balance? (star-struck and fumbling to get down numbers in my agenda)

Not until you start classes.

  (a month away and enough time to withdraw and form a working budget!) Ok ( trying to speak in a normal pitch) I’ll bring the check when I get there.  Thank you!!

I didn’t hear the phone click off on the other end, and I couldn’t see tiny amount I had scribbled on the pad in front of me; my head was buried in a mound of tissues, shoulders shaking with laughing sobs of joy, amazement, and gratitude. For half an hour, all I could get out was Tha.. and then I would cry and laugh until my eyes and cheeks hurt. When will I learn to submit my plans to God and trust Him to do what is best for me?  When will I learn that He CAN and will do exceedingly and abundantly above anything I could ever hope or dream?  

The rest is a beautiful blur of yellow sunshine, white dresses, and soft music.  The wedding fell into place, the bride was beyond happy, radiant with love and joy, and the cake was exquisite!  I’m sitting here writing from school, about to begin my first day of classes.  I have to say, I’m basking in the warmth of His love, amazed yet again!

people who need people…

So, besides the fact that I’ve been a slacker and haven’t written, several interesting items have walked through my life in the past weeks. Plus, it is now 2:15 AM, so I’m not sure how much sense this will make; oh, well, here goes. 

We are capable of holding lots of love.  That sounds cheep, but here is what I mean.  Have you ever heard that phrase/philosophy “guys are like waffles and girls are like spaghetti?” It’s supposed to be some sort of attempt to explain how and why men and women think and act so differently.  I have to differ with this theory; it seems to limit rather than illuminate the possible workings of the minds between the sexes.  There are so many people, men and women alike, who have limited themselves to one kind of love, or one concept learned early on in our lives.  We set ourselves so firmly within the bounds of what love “should feel/be like” that we miss out on entirely new, deep, and fulfilling experiences of love.

We have to expand our understanding.  Before my various and sparse readers begin to get concerned as to what kind of love I could be referring to, let me clarify.  Love has many faces and levels, each of which has its own level of personal fulfillment.  I have 2 beautiful nephews who lavish me with hugs, kisses, giggles, and boogers when I visit them (yes, boogers!  they are little boys, what do you expect?!).  I also have a handful of close girl friends with whom I share all sorts of crazy girl emotions, cooking fiascoes, road trips, family pains, and late-night “therapy” sessions.  I have been fortunate to have several close friendships with guys as well, and we enjoy plenty of fun and noise (usually involving an action movie or an episode of “Psych”!) as well as intriguing and probing conversations.  When we are all together, things get crazy!  Popcorn and mini-marshmallows fly and we have actually received complaints from our neighbors that we were singing and laughing too loudly (shocker!) 

I have bonded with every one of them, deeply.  I cannot say that I feel more satisfied when I am with one group of friends or family than another; every one of those relationships is dear to me, unique, but connected as an integral part of me – like spaghetti.  One cannot take the place of the other, fulfilling that special place in me, in our lives together. 

The beauty of it is, God’s plan was for this interrelated need.  I see Him in our lives together, I hear Him tugging at me in our conversations, using his words, my struggles, her questions and our findings to draw us deeper into relationship with Him.  His love for us, His knowledge and beauty are over, underneath, inside of us, coming through His creations.  As the Psalms remind us, all creation shouts of His power and might; and we are His most wonderful creations!  He didn’t make us to compartmentalise our hearts and emotions, avoiding depth of comitment and understanding in different relationships. 

God’s love is bigger than our shallow definition!  There are so many more ways that we can experience His love in our lives.  In fact, I challenge you/me/us to open up to the love that He is trying to pour out right now, today, this moment!  Love is not limited by our dim understanding that is skewed by our sex-driven culture and society!  Open up to the love that is found in close friendships, children’s chubby hugs, the weathered hand and smile of a grandfather or grandmother, the tearful gratitude of a “less deserving/questionable” stranger. 

D.C. Talk said it!  “Love is a verb!”

“yes”

Have you ever asked for God to do something?  I’m not talking about making it stop raining so you can get to your car without ruining your new jeans, or letting it snow so there’s no school, or making that o-so-cute sweater on the 60%OFF rack.  I’m talking about asking God to draw you deeper, to move in your life in unexpected ways and to show up and show off.

Well, I guess I asked a big one.  I have been praying that God would teach me more about Him, what it is to love like Him, and walk with Him daily.  I asked Him to help me obey Him more, because obedience is better than sacrifice and all that good stuff.  I asked Him to help me say “yes” to what He asks of me.  O my. 

I expected little things.  I noticed little opportunities to say yes and obey Him, cleaning the kitchen when I didn’t have to, speaking soft words instead of harsh ones, making breakfast for my suite mates, etc.  The “yes moments” would come in bunches, sometimes at awkward moments in the day, sometimes spaced out more.  All in all, I could tell there were little opportunities for growth over the past few weeks.  I was feeling pretty good about recognising those moments for the most part.

I guess I was making more progress than I thought.  When non-athletes train for improvement, they begin at a preexisting level of ability, small work-loads that their muscles can handle and that will add shape and tone with use.  Gradually, they increase the work-load so that the muscles have to work harder by pushing past that level of endurance and strength.  It takes many repetitions at each level, and at each level, there is  a certain threshold of “discomfort” — but really, it’s just pain — that has to be crossed.  Apparently I had grown enough at my level of obedience.

I got in a routine.  I was done with my homework, I had washed up for the night, I had done my exercises and stretches, I had drunk my chi tea, wrapped up to read my devotions and listen to the cold wind howl outside my window.  I was definitely doneserving for the day.  My phone rang.  My friend could not find a wallet.   It was dropped outside. In the driveway.  Sometime between 6 and 9:30pm.  It was 11:08pm.  My friend has trouble walking and vision problems.  Could I come help?

My first reaction was not a “saved” one.  I wanted to tell my friend, sorry, I can’t, call the credit card companies and bank in the morning, I’m sure it’s out there, or some one has gotten it already, stop payments, do whatever you need to so I can get back under my covers!  Not quite a WWJD moment (oh tell me some one else remembers that??!!) 

But the voice in my head said, “will you say yes to me?”  So, I realized at that moment that I truly was in training, and that I had to cross that threshold; and it was painful in that windy driveway after an icy drive across town with no heat.  I could feel the burn of those spiritual “reps” with every square foot I covered in the pitch dark with a 2 & 1/2 watt flashlight searching for a thin, black wallet that I have trouble seeing in daylight among the personal belongings of a purse.  And I could see and feel the change when I knelt and prayed with my friend for peace and protection over all the belongings in that wallet. 

Driving away, I knew I had passed the threshold.  We didn’t find it that night (in another car the next morning with another friend) but that night wasn’t about a wallet.  It was an opportunity to press deeper, and to be involved in the unexpected ways of God.  This is a new level I’m on now, new, stronger reasons to say “yes” and follow His wishes.  I just have to remember, be prepared to receive what I ask for.  It’s like Kirk Franklin said, “I’m stronger now, I’m patient now, I’m thankful now; ’cause of all I’ve been through.”

the right way to hang a coat

Ok, my roomies and I have an ongoing conversation about, oh numerous, little things people (we) do in different ways.  These things range from methods of cleaning a kitchen, to organizing DVDs in alphabetical order, from right to left, front to back; believe me, that’s another post entirely!

So, this week’s issue of debate is the “right” way to hang a coat in a closet.  Sounds simple?  I, oh unwitting soul that I was, thoughtthat it was, and so, apparently, did one of my roomies.  We hang coats on hangers the way road-crews patch potholes: throw it and hope it sticks!  Oh, how wrong we have been! 

My other 2 roomies explained to us veheminately that a coat’s front must face to the right of the closet, therefore, allowing a speedy access.  If the coats in our closet are notfacing in said direction, these roomies, 1 in particular, will not rest until each coat is restored to its proper direction.  Can anyone see the potential for this situation??!

Being the good roomies that we are, the other dissenter and I decided to test the resilience of this theory; we turned random jackets the “wrong” way while 1 was gone, and then waited.  Sure enough, when she went to put her jacket up, and we asked her if everything was ok, she said yes, as soon as she finished putting all the other coats “right” it wouldbe ok!  She then proceeded to educate us, yet again, about the correct way to hang a jacket, a lesson that, sadly for her, will probably only succeed in making us giggle and plan all the harder to do it again!  

is there such a thing as a “right way” to hang a coat and/or clothes?  I wonder what the psychological implications of such a fetish are; an extremely ordered person of fine self-control, or some one who is just as silly as the wrest of us??

Girlfriends Sparkle

So, after yesterday’s rather “heavy” subject, I just have to stop and appreciate a moment that happened tonight.  I was sitting in my room studyingstaring at my mound of extracurricular work that I have to have done by Thursday, when one of my roomies stuck her head in to say hi.  She sat on the bed and we discussed random events of the day, odd moments and grueling assignments.  The conversation lead, not surprisingly, to the topic of marriage, men, the lack thereof, boys who think they are men, and the raging sea that every woman has to try to master: hormones!  As our conversation was reaching this depth of logic and ponderous weight, we headed downstairs for a snack and the “counseling office” a.k.a. the couch.  Soon, another of my 3 roomies joined us, and, each armed with her steaming drink of choice, we dove into the complexities of the opposite sex, the burdens and blessings of our own (thank God for empathy!), the variety of a single life, and the vastness of womanhood.

This moment stood out.  Somewhere between laughing at mood-swings and family, and the necessity of facial hair in a relationship, it hit me; this is golden! 

I need to remember this.  This picture of the redhead launching peels of laughter at our ceiling over a comment about a stymied situation with a boy will stick in my mind.  The giggles radiating from the brunette as she told her hopes for her future husband will tickle my thoughts and warm my heart.  All of us admitting failure, confusion, self-doubt, brought hope and comfort. 

It felt so good to laugh and share things.  We needed this time to let down our hair and unpack our emotional bags with each other.  It was just gold to have those 2 hours laughing and sharing parts of our hearts.  Moments like those just seem to add a little more to each day, an extra shine to each jewel that sits in Jesus’ hands.  They just remind me that we are gems, precious and deeply worthy of every good thing He has for us.

Alone?

It’s hard when some one looks you in the face and says “but how could a ‘loving God’ let this happen to some one He says He loves?”  It’s hard to look them in the eye and admit you don’t know why, admit that there is no formula for every situation.   All I know is that He does love us and has a plan for us and that when we pray and believe enough to hope, God changes things. 

It is so easy to think that we are the only ones who should have to “bear our burdens” through life.  Burdens can be of any shape and size, family, friends, addictions, fears, projects, schedules, illnesses, on and on.  But none of these is without remedy; the blood of Jesus covers all and He does want to redeem and set all free from their burdens here on earth.  But it’s hard when we can’t see it happening. 

Keeping silent about problems, about burdens that have plagued us, is not noble.  It is not “your cross to bear.”  Sometimes we need help from others, we need spiritual support from other believers, through prayer and fasting and emotional connections; that’s notweakness!  Jesus asked the disciples to pray with Him in His last hours, things were about to change dramatically, and it needed to be covered in prayer! 

We’ve got to stop being “protective” of our problems, of the battles that we are in the middle of.  Open up when we are hurting, open up when we can’t handle the burden any more.  I’m nottalking about gossiping about how hard our life is and airing our dirty laundry for others to ogle at.  That’s not the point.  If we want to see change in the battle we have been in and have given our lives to, there are times when we have to call for reinforcements.  We are instructed to bring matters of need to our trusted brothers and sisters, and enter into the holy of hollies with praise, humble hearts, and all of our deepest requests laid bare.

Stand up for your brothers and sisters!  If you are praying for some one, have been for a long time, and are “battle weary” and worn out, call out for help!  This is how we are to function as a body of believers.  When we agree together in prayer, God parts heaven and earth to reach into our lives and the lives of those we pray for; nothing can stop our Daddy God on the war-path to rescue His children!  Nothing!  Call out for help when you need it; that’s strength and wisdom of battle strategy!

Locked in!!

My youth group from home has been after me to come back from school and stay with them over night for their semi-annual lock-in.  They got the better of me, so here I am, 4 AM and I’m writing this!  They are still speeding up and down the halls playing hide and go seek and capture the flag.  I feel like I’ve been run over by a mac truck!  The really scary thing is, 5 years ago I was doing the exact same thing and still had energy to get up and go the next day!  Life just seems a little unfair, college has truly drained the “youth” from me.  I can stay up studying or writing a paper, but this nuts!  I feel like such an old woman!  Oh well, maybe when I get past my degrees I will feel like hyping myself up on gallons of sugar and fast food and then running around for hours screaming my lungs out.  Or, maybe, they will discover the monsters named Midterm and  Final Project  and they will snatch the years of hyperactivity and youthful endurance away from them too!!  (cue evil laugh please!)  Oops, did I say that out loud?  I think I just saw my left retina float by; maybe that’s what the red lines are on my computer screen!

A strong weakness continued

Back again to finish a thought!  What do I ask for?  I want to ask for strength to press on through my insecurities and to complete the things God has set before me, to make the best decisions I can, strength to hold on and work for my dreams and hopes and desires – which are good things that God has created for me and placed in me for a reason.  But then I realized that living in “strength” only keeps me at arm’s distance from God and the things He really wants for me to have, experience, and let go of. 

If I want to ask for the right things, I need surrender, I need brokenness before a mighty and all-powerful God.  I need to ask that He help me live in submission, of my most precious dreams and hopes and even fears; that is where I am weakest.  And that is where I need to be, leaning on Him, waiting on Him and trusting in His strength to carry me to where I need to be. 

Because in the end, my strength is worthless.  It’s my weakness that He wants, so that anything that is accomplished in my life that is of value will be credited to Him in me.  That’s a scary thought!  I have a lot of things that I’m weak in and afraid of doing (speaking in public, witnessing in another language, opening up to different relationships, taking serious leadership positions), but I have a sneaky suspicion that He just might be moving me into some of those things in the near future.  Yikes!!  So, if it takes me shaking on my knees every night, pouring out my woes, fears, and frustrations from following His plans, then so be it.  I would rather walk in my weakness and know that He is at work in me and is in control of everything in my life and that I am in His plan.